Try to Behave Ideally: A Personal Journey

 Try to Behave Ideally: A Personal Journey

Back in 2003, a single piece of advice from my professor lodged itself in my memory. He said,

“Try to behave ideally in every situation, encounter, and challenge that you face in your life.”

At the time, I balked. “If I lived like that,” I argued, “I’d be a monk—sacrificing the full spectrum of human emotion.” He smiled and pointed out the power word: try. No one can be ideal all the time, he said, but aspiring toward that goal is its own path. I agreed, but only skimmed the surface of what “ideal” might truly mean.

Wrestling with “Ideal”

Lately, that old admonition has been surfacing more and more. I find myself asking:

• What is “ideal,” anyway?
• Is it fixed or does it change from person to person?
• Should I rigidly follow my own belief system, or defer to someone else’s?
• In a societal context, what guides me when ideals collide—my ideal, theirs, or the common good?

These questions tumbled around in my mind, demanding deeper reflection.

Questions That Arise

1. What does “ideal” look like in everyday life?
2. How do varied belief systems shape our personal ideals?
3. When my ideal conflicts with another’s, whose should prevail?
4. Is there room for a shared or common ideal?

Discovering the Triad

As I thought it through, I realized ideal behavior isn’t about picking one pole—my ideal, the other’s, or some collective vision—but about navigating among all three to maximize happiness for everyone involved. It boiled down to a balance of:

• Principles: Staying true to my core convictions.
• Compassion: Honoring others’ needs, vulnerabilities, and perspectives.
• Context: Reading the unique circumstances, power dynamics, and timing.

Contextual Priority

In most everyday interactions, context holds the key, allowing both parties’ ideals to co‑exist. Yet there are moments when compassion must lead—especially with children or anyone dependent because of finances, education, health, or environment. And then there are times when rigid principles must prevail: when bending would betray integrity or cause real harm.

These shifting priorities—between unwavering conviction and gentle flexibility—are what make life interesting. The speed at which we decide, and the trust others place in our moral compass, shape who we become.

The Dreamer Metaphor

Comedian Dave Chappelle once said we’re all living in a dream:

• If you’re the biggest dreamer, everyone around you lives in your dream.
• If someone else’s dream is stronger, you become part of theirs.

Likewise, the person who best weaves together principle, compassion, and context becomes the one whose “dream”—or vision for how to behave—guides the collective reality. They earn trust, admiration, and influence.

What It All Means

When I revisit my professor’s words now, I see that “Try to behave ideally” isn’t a call to perfectionism or monastic detachment. It’s an invitation to:

1. Aim your actions toward your highest values—knowing you’ll sometimes miss the mark.
2. Hold those values gently, infused with genuine empathy for others.
3. Stay alert to context, so your choices serve not only your own ideals but the shared wellbeing.

In that dynamic interplay—principle guiding us, compassion softening us, context informing us—we discover what “ideal” truly becomes in the real world.